CHAOS in Mithil Stonedown as last week a stranger bearing the likeness of Berek Half-hand descended from Kevin’s Watch to invent the concept of rape.
MITHIL STONEDOWN — This came after unusual storms were seen around Kevin’s Watch. Many noted the weather with forboding, but an innocent young girl and aspiring Lore-master named Lena was driven by her curiosity to examine the site.
She found thereupon a two-fingered man having successfully fought a vile cloud of darkness, declaring himself both a victor and a “Leper”, which this publication now understands to mean “completely evil arsehole”.
In a display of typical Stonedownor kindness, she took the wounded stranger to a hearth of hurtloam to unburden him of his self-stated ails. He insisted his distinction from Berek Half-Hand, which Lena, in her childish trusting, thought at the time to be humility.
She returned with him to Mithil Stonedown, at which point he was invited into the homes of Atiaran and Trell for respite. There, the balding, Berek-handed oddity—naming himself Thomas Covenant—proceeded to whisk their daughter away to the banks of the Mithil and commit a crime heretofore unknown, even by those wedded to Lord Foul the Despoiler’s malice.
Unfortunately, he escaped justice as easily as he escaped the burdens of decency. Atiaran Trell-mate had that same day committed to shepard him on his quest to deliver a divine message to the Loresraat before his crime came to light, and he fled in great haste.
The crime was reported not by the victim herself, who, in her innocence, takes a shame none have given, but by her Stonedownor betrothed. In discovering the aftermath, he thus swore vengeance upon the Raver who had enforced the cruelty of his will.
His swearing was met with much community support, including a signed greetings card and a fundraising bake sale.
Beware, travellers — this Leper assigns himself “Thomas Covenant, Unbeliever”, and he wields the image of Berek Half-hand against the unsuspecting. A befouled, unmastered white-gold ring disguises his villainy.
Unbeliever he may be, he inspired within us a belief at the evils of man. I hope Drool bashes his fucking head in.
Note: The Stonedown Lowdown newspaper does not endorse support of The Despiser nor his minions.
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